Everything is fine, I just feel a bit stuck!” An oh-so-familiar comment from clients in the coaching room. Some people feel they need to have a direction or goal set before reaching out for a coach to move forward but when you are in that “stuck” space the fog can be thick enough to hold you back from making decisions and gaining clarity on the direction to take. I took on my first coach over 10 years ago. I was in a good job, life was going smoothly but there was a niggle inside that I couldn’t ignore that something was not right and that there was more to life. Within a couple of sessions, things started to become clearer. I had thought my self-awareness was pretty on point…. apparently not! My coach challenged my thinking, asked reflective questions, and deep-dived into my beliefs which may have been helping or hindering me. It wasn’t even during the sessions that I got those “ah ha” moments, it was like the cogs started to turn differently afterward. I looked at things with a whole new perspective and I got clarity in different areas of life.
Looking back now, the result of working with a coach heightened my sense of self-awareness and has led me to a move to a new area that I love, career changes that aligned with my values & in general lived a much more fulfilled life. Before I felt like a passenger in my life, whereas now I feel more in control and empowered to keep building and growing. It has taken me to some good places and also identified paths that weren’t quite right quickly, so I could make a swift U-turn!
Some signs that you are feeling stuck
Telltale signs such as low energy and mood, lack of interest in certain areas of life, and feeling unfulfilled, irritated, and frustrated. Some may also feel a lack of control in their lives and feel some anxiety or depression as a result. We are embryonic creatures and need to feel we are growing, whether we realise it or not a level of challenge is good for us. The sweet spot is finding that balance between boredom and stress. The graph below represents a great visual of the levels of performance and how it affects us mentally. It may not be clear where the negative symptoms stem from but when you raise self-awareness you will gain clarity, start making small changes that will alter your perspective. leaving you to move into a much more positive space, then watch the magic happen!
Tips to try if you are feeling stuck
Raise your self-awareness. There are so many ways to do this:
Look at your mindset, is it helping or hindering your progress? Often we can get in our own way without even realising. Watch out for those sneaky “limiting beliefs” that have no foundation and only serve to hold us back.
Reflection time…. when was the last time you sat down and made some time to assess how happy you are with your job, environment, and relationships? In a world of distractions, we tend to focus on external stimuli rather than our inner needs, and then we wonder how we get so off track in life.
Set some goals both personally and professionally. See how your current situation aligns with these goals and if they do not align, it's time to change lanes, my friend.
It's good to have a guideline of timelines for these goals, 1, 3, 5 years are a good place to start as they will help you work out when to make the changes.
Be brave! Although settling for a situation that is familiar can be comforting, it can come with a price! If you want to live a more fulfilled life and open yourself up to new and exciting opportunities it will involve stepping out of your comfort zone and pushing yourself into the unknown.....exciting right!
Identifying your values is key. This is something I hadn’t given much thought to before working with a coach but it’s such an important step in creating your ideal life. I return to my values when making any decision about my future and if I am in a situation that doesn’t feel right it often means I am working against my values and I need to change tact.
Get bored!! Go for a walk without headphones, and turn off the radio in your car. Sit in the silence sometimes and see what comes to the surface. It helps to ask yourself a question about an area you want to change.
Reasons why you might be feeling stuck
You might have gotten stuck in a routine that may have served you at one point but has since gone stale.
Staying in your comfort zone and not in a space where you are challenged and met with new growth opportunities.
Fear of the unknown and sticking to the familiar. There is a feeling of safety and security when living life on repeat …. but if reading that line made you shudder, it's time to step up and make some changes!
Lack of confidence in your abilities. I have no doubt you are an unbelievably capable person and able to achieve more from life than you have done already. Self-belief is unfortunately a trait that many people lack…if only we could see ourselves through our loved ones’ eyes there would be no stopping us! A good exercise to do is to work out your strengths. This can be hard to do alone as we can be quite self-critical so feedback from those around us can really help build our self-esteem and highlight our star qualities that we often overlook. I love working with clients on this as it’s such a rewarding practice and they are always blown away by the responses they get. Also, it gives an injection of confidence, who doesn’t want that?!
Confused about where to start, that is where a coach can help if you are unsure of how to take the first step or even know what direction to go in. Help is there for you.
What not to do if you are feeling stuck
I’m sure you have heard the saying….” If in doubt do nothing”. Hell no!! If you are feeling this way there is so much you can do if you are willing and ready to make a positive change in your life. Yes, it will take effort, and yes it will take discipline but trust in the process and you will be amazed at the difference simple changes can make to your career, relationships, and life!
Don’t suffer alone, there is so much help and support out there. You don’t need to move mountains; small changes can bring huge rewards. You deserve it!!
Do not rinse and repeat. As the great Albert Einstein once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.!”
Do not compare yourself to others. Quoting another wise man, Theodore Roosevelt. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” This is so true! The funny thing is people often compare themselves to others but in reality, given the choice they would not swap places. Also, we are unaware of the sacrifices people make to attain certain things, and if we did, would we do the same?! Often not. Focus on the things you can control in your life not on others.
Do not overthink as this can lead to “analysis paralysis”. We often complicate things unnecessarily and put up imaginary roadblocks that stop our progress.
Don't get caught in the perfectionist trap....the moment, idea, and stars need to be aligned before I can take that first step. Flip the script....they will align as you take each step, they may need realignment along the way but that's ok. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future". Steve Jobs.
Do not doubt yourself or think change is not possible. You are capable of changing your life if you truly want to.
I hope you found this helpful, and if you are feeling ‘stuck’ in an area of your life, know that the feeling is temporary, change is possible and with a little effort and some support your life can improve dramatically! The journey of self-discovery is an exciting and rewarding path.
What is the first small step you can take to improve one area of your life??
#growth #values #opportunities #personaldevelopment #onelife #coach #selfbelief
